This time a week ago, I was walking into surgery to have my Pacemaker put in. I was nervous (my report describes me as ‘teary’ – that’s a polite way of putting it!) and just wanted to get it over and done with! It’s been a long week, as I’m sure it is for anyone after surgery. You wake each day hoping it will be better than the day before – some days it is – other days not so much. I’ve been thinking about updating my blog on how things are going… but to be honest some days I’ve thought, wow – can’t write down today how I’m feeling!
So, an overview of the past week – the operation went well. I went in about 9.30am and came out about 12.30pm. The medical staff were amazing – friendly, caring and incredibly good at what they do! I woke up from the general anesthetic, feeling my body jolt in time to the sound of my heart beat on the monitor. That’s a strange sensation – not one I’d highly recommend! The third lead (the tricky one they can’t get into 5% of people) was hitting my phrenic nerve, so they had to turn the pacemaker off. I went back to the ward with a huge pressure bandage on, oxygen hooked up and connected to fluids. I counted down the 2 hours until my pressure bandage would come off and was thankful for good meds!
The night was long. It always strikes me how odd it is to sleep in a room with strangers – while you’re all feeling at your worst. They were all lovely – but there is only so much snoring, vomiting and coughing you want to hear all night. I saw the Cardiologist the next morning. She was pleased with how it had gone and explained that the pacing was fine when they tested it in the operation, it was only afterwards when they sat me up that it starting pulsing on the nerve. She said they would leave it off for 4 weeks and try turning the pacemaker on again then. If it hadn’t settled down, they would need to look at other ways of getting the third lead into my heart. This wasn’t really the time I wanted to think about going through this all over again – or another procedure. Yes, I may have cried. Again.
They then came to check my leads were working and it was my first experience of being paced. It felt strange – like a weight pushing down on your chest when you try to breathe. Amazingly she turned on the third lead and after changing some settings, it began to work without the twitch! I couldn’t believe it! Incredible! And I felt more normal! They left me for a few hours to move around a bit and see if it stayed stable. I sat. I stood. I moved. I walked. It was all good! Pete said how much better I was looking. I was being discharged, was sitting there dressed, ready and waiting to go home… when it twitched again! Gutting.
More medical people. More talking. More crying. It had to be turned off again.
The other problem I’d been having was my heart rate going crazy. During the op they had seen my heart rate high at times, then again while being monitored overnight, it was continuing to happen – sometimes while I was sitting doing nothing. The Cardiologist had explained it’s called Tachy-Bradycardia and they would need to look into how to fix it. It’s probably what’s been making me feel so breathless lately and exhausted. It’s a separate problem to my LBBB and not something the pacemaker will help with. The night before it had reached 160 bpm – by me getting up to go to the bathroom. At the moment when I wanted to leave hospital it was sitting at just over 100 bpm.
Thankfully we got home that afternoon. I felt like I’d run a marathon – not that I’ve ever run one (or at this rate likely to do so)! My heart rate is still not behaving itself – every day it soars, making me breathless and feeling like rubbish. My shoulder still feels like someone has jumped on it and sleep is still challenging. But my scar looks really good and the swelling under my arm (jaw, neck…) and around the pacemaker is going down well. Being one week down the track means I’m allowed to shower finally (before this the water could upset the glue on my scar), that will surely help me feel more human!
So, I’m praying next Monday at my appointment they will be able to turn my pacemaker on with no twitching from the nerve.
I wanted to say a huge thank you to so many people. I know hundreds were praying (how amazing is that?!) and we’ve heard from so many friends and Pastor friends who had their churches praying. I’m humbled. Cause really, it’s just me and I’m very aware people are going through much greater things every day! We have so appreciated it though. Along with the messages, cards, flowers and meals! Every word touches me and means so much (and yes, often makes me cry).
Before going into this, I’d thought a lot about the physical side of things. Especially wondering how big this thing would be in my chest ! But the emotional and mental side is as much of a challenge. The nights can feel long and often your thoughts in the early hours of the morning are not your friend. I had expectations of how this would go – sometimes you have to let those go and just be thankful for where you’re at today. And that you’re alive and breathing.
Thanks again friends and family. It’s been a journey for us as a family – for Pete and I too. I love each one of you and am looking forward to life returning to more of a normality. Much love…
xxx
Grace & Providence - Annika Morton 