Ever had one of those weeks where you feel yourself sliding down and the pit comes a calling? You know the pit… that place where it all feels so hard and you loose sight that good things are a coming! One thing after another builds up and before you know it, your thoughts are not your friend. You wonder if you’re cut out for the things you’re doing, questions like “God why did you make me like this?” come to your mind. You’re tired, in pain and you long for life to return to normal – although you’re not even sure what that is anymore.
For us, we’re in a busy season right now. We knew going into this term that it was going to be crazy busy, with many projects and events on the calender for church. We’re nearly there – we’ve come so far and our Conference for the year is only a week away! It will be incredible I know! The auditorium connect space is in the middle of a huge transformation and the 6am starts for my hubby will all be worth it! The past few weeks I’ve been reminding myself that this frantic, stressful time we’re in right now will pass and that life will look different a month from now.
Sure there are always things coming up and the life of pastoring is a continual balancing act, to ensure that we be who we’re meant to be, do what we are meant to do and still love each other at the end of the day! But the last couple of weeks, I’ve had to remind myself that we’re living in a full on stage and that “this too shall pass.”
For seven years, I’ve also battled migraines. Since July last year, they decided to come banging on my door (or head!) weekly. After years of trying different things and a LOT of prayer, this years we’ve been trialing different drugs and to try and find something to prevent them. After some that almost sent me crazy (actually I’m not kidding!) I thought we’d finally hit the jackpot! A few months ago, I began a new medication which seemed to be helping me. I went from 4 days a week of migraines, down to maybe one light one a week, with a badish one once a month. Two weeks ago all that changed. It was Tuesday afternoon and I began yawning. The tiredness hit. The pain started. The nausea arrived. My face went as white as a sheet. That familiar taste of tea suddenly tasted like poison and it wasn’t long before I was in bed, holding my head crying with pain. Worse than ever. The next day was as bad. Days went by and the meds weren’t helping and the pit came a calling.
It’s when the pain is so bad that you loose all perspective of what the truth is. I had to remind myself “You will get better.” “Give it a couple of days.” “The pain will leave – eventually.” Because when you’re feeling that bad – all perspective becomes hazy and you begin to believe that this is it – for the rest of your life. You’ll never be well enough to see your friends again. To work. To preach. To connect with friends. Help that person. To be a good mother to your kids… wife to your husband… the list goes on.
Right perspective is still something we need every week. Even now. We’re tired and it’s been weeks of my hubby working each day. Small things begin to feel like big things. Ministry feels challenging. So it’s now that I remind myself that this too shall pass. A holiday is coming in a couple of weeks. We will be okay. We will make it through.
And I also remember to be grateful. For the small things and the amazing blessings that come our way. For homemade soup with fresh bread. For good friends who listen and laugh with you. Faithful people who pray when you send them SOS messages. For peace and quiet. Family. Sunshine. Words with Friends, giving joy to a weary soul. For kids who love Jesus, are serving Him of their own accord and living in ways that make you proud. For friends that see the tears and whip you and your kids away for treats out. For fellow pastors wives from afar who understand the highs and lows and encourage you to keep going. A hubby who you can laugh with and loves you despite everything.
There is so much to be grateful for.
I am blessed. I just need to keep that perspective in place. The days maybe long and sometimes I may struggle with pain but yet I will lift my eyes in the midst of it all and say ‘Thank you’ to the One who Sees, Knows and Cares about me.