It’s been just over 2 weeks since I became a bionic woman. All I can say is Praise God for day 9! Finally a turning point, to feeling more like myself again. When you’ve had days of pain, not much sleep and spontaneous tears (kind of like after you’ve had a baby!), it’s a relief to suddenly feel like “you” again and coping. My hubby and son headed off to Christchurch for two days, checking out some options for our eldest for next year. We’d had it on the calendar for months and I was so glad they could go. Over that time, my parents and kids were amazing helping out, not to mention two friends who came and watched movies with me on the second day (“I Can Only Imagine” is well worth a watch!).
By Sunday I so wanted to go to church. I’d only missed a week, but I knew it would do my soul good to be there. In hindsight I probably looked a shocker (all I knew was I looked a lot better than the week before!) but I just kept thinking if I can just go there and sit… I’ll feel refreshed and encouraged. So I did just that. I went. I sat. I worshiped (sitting without singing – that would make me breathless). I gently hugged my gorgeous church family whom I love so much and was so thankful in my heart that I was there. It struck me again how every person every week, is facing something different. Coming in from a different place of life, carrying different joys and struggles within their heart. For some, they can come and lift their hands and worship with a smile beaming from their face. For others though, it’s a case that they’ve just managed to drag themselves along, bruised, battered and weary from their week. We live with these tensions in life and I thought, may we always be a place and a church, where people can come as they are, knowing they are welcome, cared for and loved.
The next day I was back to the hospital to have my leads checked. They place a wand over your chest which connects your pacemaker to the computer. From there they can programe it, trying out different configurations to see what works best. It was Petes first time seeing me jolt, as the lead pulsated my nerve – I told him he wasn’t allowed to laugh! After a while, they said the doctors had decided to leave it another two weeks before turning the pacemaker on, so I’m in for more waiting. One good thing that’s been happening though, is my pacemaker has been recording information while it’s in this stand by mode. So they could look back and see all the times my heart rate had gone over 100 bpm in the past couple of weeks. At least they can see what is going on with my heart, day by day.
I also have a monitor set up by my bed now, which connects to my pacemaker each night and sends information to the hospital. It’s all done through the cellular network – what an incredible age we live in! I’m not sure what happens when we go camping each year (not much coverage there!)? Hmm… another odd question for me to ask next time I go!
I’ve been back at work this week – slowly easing myself back into things. There are small steps which I’m grateful for. Today I managed to wear a jumper instead of a button up shirt (no longer looking like I’m off McLeods Daughters!) and I can now sleep on my side without too much pain. I’m taking less panadol and I haven’t cried for days (my family will be grateful for that)! Sometimes we just have to ride out the tough moments, trusting that there are good ones coming. And they are! They always are! The sun will rise tomorrow and there is always hope for the future – because there is an incredible God who promises to hold us and be close… for that, I am grateful.